late nights in delusional states

by crappie cacti

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sometimes i spend to much time in my head and try to explain myself through melodies


released July 22, 2015

all tracks aside from the anxiety release tune, trying my best, shuteye and track 8 were recorded by Cityrat and the Big Folk-Up Disaster #6 in Victoria, B.C.

Album artwork done by my dearest friend Cassia Wilkins



all rights reserved


crappie cacti Vancouver, British Columbia

hey folks ! my name is Thisbe and this is my attempt at solo acoustic work.. it's mainly just a collection of tunes i've concocted whilst overcoming or/and dwelling in clouded thoughts. please find enjoyment in my efforts to clear my head (-:

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Track Name: i fucking stumble (spoken word)
I'm not quite sure how this realization was constructed but now it seems as though it's fucking fixated on consuming the very mind that I believed in
every self destructive thought concocted sank and locked in with the roots distantly attached to relevant memories caught in a net of day dreamt escape strategies
hell has frozen over and earth is caught in the heat of carbon and smother of oil
so I questioned and quoted and tried to prove my thoughts asserted but now instigated and frustrated
I fucking stumble
as the floor boards crack and creek beneath my feet as my heart pulsates in my liver sending me ripples of quivers
I fucking stumble
pure consciousness floods my body with each shaky heart beat I become more aware of every bone, vessel and chemical confused and distorted attempting to get itself sorted
I fucking stumble
the constant shrieking delusion is now shrinking, sinking and creeping into my skull like the an immediate flush and hesitant rush of chemicals numbing me to a soft lull and From the fatal stumble suddenly now have to
I fucking fall

with my head smashed on the concrete plaster between the bricks of old constructed walls that vast taste of something that I have misplaced happens to be my lack of motivation and passing opportunities and obligations starting to settle from burning to ashes with this twisted twitterpated infection
I frucking stumble
but this time I crawl back out on my bloody shins having hit rock bottom with my bleeding bitten finger nails and crumble through these delusions; justifying every allusion
still left to question what to invest my last drops of clouded belief in
because I'm fed up with tripping over my own words
tired of trying to be heard but coming out silent and muttered like the first chirps of a baby bird whenever I get nervous
and feel tightly packed like a 2 week old factory sheep lost in their only herd disorientated and mentally isolated
whilst these delusions dances in utter triumph
i fucking stumble
discarding my last brewed thoughts as overthinking and nit picking
just lettting my final words slide out as a silent sinking mumble
Track Name: trying my best
from my latent understanding of what it is to be
I have succumb into the madness suppressed inside of me
from germination to annihilation you were here
knee deep in sorrows that was planted from all of your ghastly fears

oh I'm sure I just need some rest
I'm positive I'm trying my best x2

this lucid dreary distortion has got the best of me
the somber crestfallen of day to day activities
the oblivious oppression of the subconscious mind
to involuntary responses

oh I'm sure I just need some rest
I am positive I am trying my best x2
Track Name: anxiety release tune
visualize the world through a crack in the wall
why do I feel 12 feet small
conclusions concluded from delusions made
I am not in control of mine own brain

mother mother I will not cry
since the day I was born I was born to die
brother brother I cannot fight because everything I do just never seems right

spend all my time limping cause I forgot how to crawl
why am I so terrified of everything at all
stumbling trembling for the words to describe
every rotten thought that is produced inside

this is a note to my subconscious mind
please don't tell me these rigorous lies